Where to start:
Well I guess once again we can start by acknowledging the elephant in the room: shit has been crazy. if you are an energetically sensitive person the last few weeks may or may not have been tough. For me, I can use the analogy of walking through mud in between pockets of rest. I guess this, for me, is when my tool box is used the most and I am called to things that work for me. I am called to lean on them. I have also been feeling called to be really clear on what it is that I truly want in life and like in January, I really needed this fresh start.
My dad is here visiting us right now also during Nowruz which is really special, because I feel like we are making decisions together as a family. I personally have felt at crossroads lately about living and staying in LA, as my ultimate goal is to go back to Europe but with the state of the world right now it’s not super clear when the best time for that will be. It’s been really hard as an expat to find grounding in being in america- especially with the current timelines.
I try to not have fear surrounding around all of this but some days do get tough especially when you have big dreams.
I have been one of those few that had a little difficulty navigating around these astro timelines lately. Keeping my head on straight for those that I love, and honestly loving myself through it.
But the general consensus is being sick of your own shit, procrastination and actually feeling ready to pick back up speed for spring and summer.
Somethings that were smalls wins and sparked Joy:
Making my haftsin, I am half persian and I have been trying to perfect my own version since I lived in Europe, this year I grew my own sabzeh (sprouts). Sabzeh represent growth obviously, it also takes a bit of patience to grow so patience, prosperity and love ahead for your and your families new year. The more lush the more positive it is. This was my first year growing it alone from scratch and learning the correct way to do so facetiming my dad in between. I even got props in the persian family group chat.
The thing about growth is that I do kind of feel like during these pressure bottle moments as I like to call them
we are forced to grow. deeper, faster and more honestly.
so I guess I have to chalk it up as growing pains. I am gratefully and excitedly turning 40 this summer, but the pressure feels deeper this time and the change feels more urgent. The life I envision for myself is not too grand or big for me but it does require a lot of moving parts. I have been focusing on alignment and clarity and in general FOCUS»»»».
TCM Phase DEUX
so I had my second month of receiving TCM for endometriosis and acupunture. I have one more session friday but this last session went a little different than the first. My doctor let me know I was holding a lot of pressure in my shoulders. Literally and figuratively. The weight on your shoulders. As she went to put a needle in my body backfired on me and I had muscle spasms. On both sides. And I cried. She said it was okay to cry, but it felt vulnerable. The realization that all the things I have been feeling inside are really affecting my body. That my body is holding pain and trauma I carry.
My chinese herbs seem to be settling in quite nice. My nervous system has been a lot calmer. My second cycle lighter and shorter, but still quite painful and a lot of inflammation. No weight loss, and still have anemia headaches. They said it takes a few months to settle in. Having less blood clots and lighter cycles already mean a lot to me though. I’d really like to work on releasing the pain in my body via acupunture.
SEVERANCE
WHY did no one tell me how good this show was? it’s not becoming something very precious to me like 90 day fiance, or housewives but so much deeper. I rewatch episodes as to gently not miss anything. I really feel like I am in their world. I liken Severance to smoking good weed when you WFH. Two separate worlds colliding but absolutely sure to allow a dreamstate like focus ahead. I also feel like Lumon is code for all these crazy tech conglomorations. When I got the feeler recently in season one that the lady severed during childbirth it was just like new levels to me. I feel like we are Severed sometimes in life. The term innie and outtie is just very very relative. The me when I am home alone working while my daughter is in school is very different than the me who stays home all day with her with no nap fighting it out til 10pm.
I taught restorative yoga to my dad today (another small win/joy sparker). And I am looking for new spaces in LA tomorrow and going to be gearing up for two months of travel soon starting in May. The old me who used to bop around so much misses my being able to but I am such a homebody now. I desire a partner/husband who is a bit fearless and desires to travel with our children or atleast do longer stays in different places. Sitting in one place is so hard for me but I also must make travels comfortable and enjoyable to really soak them up. I have been a little on the hermit procrastination side with my own projects but am really feeling like this week is the week my shit gets into gear.
I will be having new offerings out soon regarding creative mapping and mapping your way out of the mud trudge so to speak.This will be free for paid subscribers so be sure to subscribe!
